Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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