her vagine was all disorganized.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
