I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
