hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
