First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
