It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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