Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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