I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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