yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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