Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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