...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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