I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
