Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
