Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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