I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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