oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
im on a boat
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