So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
