The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
