We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
