i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
