perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
God, I missed his penis.
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