the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
