just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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