so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
