Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
