is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
