Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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