whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
