Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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