And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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