Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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