The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
