i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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