I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
