So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
