I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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