I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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