i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
