my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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