TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
