Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
