Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
