Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
