he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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