I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
