btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
