we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
