I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
