3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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