how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Mom said you looked used
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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