My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
