she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
