dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
