dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
