I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
