If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
