how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
