I bet he comes in French.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
