you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
