i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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