Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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