this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
