We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
