Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
