I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Alive.
So much puke
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
