i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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