where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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