I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
