Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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