Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
