There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The beer is more important than you right now.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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