Swine flu. Run for my life!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
