i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
