we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
