hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
