is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
