I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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