I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
