I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
