my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
