is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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