in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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