im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
