Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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