Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
