we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
