I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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