Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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