Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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