Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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