she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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