but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
