I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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