can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
