Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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